Pop Culture: Get…In Me?

This blog post is probably gonna be a little…ahem… Not Safe For Work. While I was musing over what to write about this week, my best friend sent me a text shouting about how I should write a blog about how vampires are “just giant sparkly dildos now.” She was watching The Vampire Diaries and, in her emotional distress, had forgotten that I had already done a blog on that (albeit with less use of the word ‘dildo’). But that got me thinking. The internet is a wonderful place.  And by “wonderful” I mean “horrifying and confusing most of the time”. Like most of you, I’ve seen a lot of stuff I wish I hadn’t. Rather than repressing those memories, I thought I’d dredge them up and share them with you all by finding my top 5 weird ways pop culture has made the jump into the bedroom.

  1. Alice in Wonderland vibrators exist. I just thought I would put that out there. I’m not entirely sure how I know that. But I do. There’s five to choose from: The White Wabbit (after the rabbit, obviously), the Pleasure Pillar (after the caterpillar), the Heavenly Heart (after the Queen), the Mystical Mushroom (no word on whether eating it makes you any bigger) and, perhaps most disturbingly, the Kinky Kat, which looks like this:
    Oh god...

    Oh god…

    Do I love Alice In Wonderland? Yes. Do I want Alice in Wonderland in or around my vagina? No. Definitely not. At least the website selling it seems to have some understanding that a smiling, vibrating cat is a little odd. The product description reads: “The Cheshire Cat Vibrator is small, at about 5 inches long, so you can easily hide it from anyone who might find you a little mad for using a cartoon cat as a sex toy.”  They’re also concerned about safety. One reviewer notes that “the ears are a little pointy so it’s probably not suitable for ass play.” Good to know. Safety first, kids. (No…seriously. Safety first. I mean it.)

  2. My dislike of the 50 Shades of Grey phenomenon is well-documented. So you can imagine my excitement when I found out that UK company, Lovehoney, had teamed up with author E.L James for a range of official 50 Shades of Grey sexy merch. (Pro tip: Non-existant. My excitement was non-existant.)
    It’s everything you need to get started with the kinky sex, including a whip, a crop, blindfolds… I think I see a buttplug in there? And I mean, good for you, wanting to explore kinks. It’s good. Consensual, loving, kinky sex  shouldn’t be demonised. But I do kind of pity you if you’re going to try basing your new sexual exploits off some really poorly written erotic fiction that may or may not use the phrase “love cave” at one point or another.
  3. Hello Kitty is literally everywhere – it’s covered every product imaginable. So, I guess bedroom fun was the next logical step?

    My favourite thing about these was that they were originally marketed as shoulder massagers, despite the fact that they are obviously a totally inappropriate design for massaging shoulders. I mean…looking at them, they’re a totally inappropriate design for anything you’d want to put between your legs as well, but I dunno. Either way, the company has stood by them as “shoulder massagers” and continues to manufacture them. They release them periodically and with a little internet magic and some hefty shipping costs you can now buy them outside Japan. Lucky you.
  4. A big part of me wanted to mentiioned the Twilight themed dildo, because it sparkles and is designed to be put in the fridge so you can get that authentic “vampire dong” cold. But then I found a line of completely unofficial Alien and Predator themed dildos and I couldn’t really go past it. This one is so thoroughly ridiculous I don’t even know where to start. It’s called the PredAlien.
    That monstrosity is 32cm long, and has a circumference of 24cm at its widest point. So it’s huge. But perhaps more importantly, someone has sat down and thought, not only about how the Predator and Alien’s penises would look, but how a cross between Predator and Alien’s penises would look. And then brought that to life. In case you’re interested, there’s also an Avatar themed one. Please take note that the website is called “Aliendildos.com” and I take no responsibility for what you see when you click that link. I warned you.
  5. Or maybe you just like to snuggle. By now we’re all familiar with the concept of the body pillow. If you aren’t you probably haven’t watched enough 30 Rock or at least, you haven’t seen the James Franco episode.

    Anyway, body pillows as merchandise aren’t that uncommon, but my favourite comes from the world of K-pop. G-Dragon,  leader of K-pop boy band juggernaut Big Bang, recently released some solo material and performed a series of stadium shows. Of course, there was merch available – everything from your usual t-shirts and jumpers, to fake nails and scented candles (no…seriously). There was also this terrifying body pillow:

    Terrifying.

    Terrifying.

    I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall for the photoshoot that required him to make kissy faces at the air whilst putting his arm around a pretend girlfriend. But anyway. It’s creepy… but you could be forgiven for assuming that it was a reasonably inoffensive object. Some people are huggers. Whatever. But then this came  accross my Tumblr dashboard the other day:

    Sweet Jesus.  (Click for the original blog post)

    SOMEONE ADDED TINY LITTLE LEGS TO IT. TINY LITTLE LEGS WITH TINY LITTLE SHORT SHORTS. And that’s when you remember that some people are not just looking for a cuddle. I dunno… I just don’t feel like this is what they intended when they made the pillow.

Anyway. I think I had probably way too much fun writing that. Poking around websites that sell sex toys is both funny and educational. Did you know they sell a fitness ball (like those big ones you see at the gym) with a vibrator attached? The tag line is “get fit and get off with the Vibrating Sex Ball”. I like that they just went with the most obvious name… it is literally a ball that has a vibrating dildo attached, so they called it a Vibrating Sex Ball. Genius. Alright, I’m done.

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Azealia Banks’ Liquorice Whip

You guys are super-lucky today, because I’m on holidays and have had a lot of time on my hands. As such, it’s double update day!

One of my favourite things to happen in the last couple of months has been the surprise success of Azealia Banks’ 212. I love some filth and fury as much as the next person, but after enduring a year of having male friends and acquaintances tell me why Tyler the Creator and the Odd Futures gang were the most interesting thing to happen to the musical landscape since whatever else had been fashionable 12 months earlier, it’s really nice to hear an actual female voice pedalling some jazz about getting her plum eaten, ya know? In case you  missed it, it looks/sounds like this:

So, with a suddenly popular single that drops the c-bomb as part of its chorus, features some seriously catchy dance hooks and has a video that is inexplicably cool, the question is: where to from here? Cue the release of the official video for Liquorice.

I don’t know if you noticed, but there’s like four costume changes and a story-line. In other words, since the first single was so damn popular, someone has started pouring money in. Like, a lot of money. Unfortunately, it’s into a single that just isn’t as good.

Leaving aside for a minute the fact that the video is stupid (devil horns vs. a western shoot out…what?), musically Liquorice has tried to replicate what 212 already perfected. Both tracks pinch their samples from some pretty generic house tunes – Lazy Jay’s Float My Boat and Lone’s Pineapple Crush, for those of you playing along at home – and they both feature impressive word-smithery from Banks. However, where 212 makes you remember maybe why you went through that ‘house music phase’ a couple of years ago, if anything Liquorice makes you realise why you got out of it. There’s too much going on – the hectic drum sample, the grating synth and Banks’ jammed in chorus, all mash together to make a tune that, while listenable has none of the unexpected fun of 212.

Just because the money is going into pushing one kind of average single doesn’t mean that you can’t enjoy a decent Azealia Banks fix. There’s plenty of other tunes floating around YouTube – the rest of her 1991 EP is actually pretty good, and the Hudson Mohawk-produced Jumanji, from her forthcoming effort is, I suspect, destined to be remixed all summer. Hopefully, she’ll continue to produce lines like “bitch is fishier than chip shop” and we can all be happy.

‘Elementary’, my dear Watson.

So, you or may not have noticed the kerfuffle that erupted online a couple of months ago when CBS announced that, following the success of the BBC’s Sherlock adaptation, they would be releasing their own updated version of the Holmes stories, titled Elementary. That in itself is not really news. Arthur Conan Doyle’s Sherlock Holmes is listed in the Guiness World Records as the ‘most portrayed movie character’ of all time and there have been over 200 film and television adaptations. Johnny Lee Miller was down as the new Sherlock. So far, so normal – an English actor, albeit one with an overly large forehead. Whatever. The bit that got bees in the internet’s collective bonnet was the casting of iconic off-sider, Dr. John Watson. Or should we say, Joan Watson? Gasp. Shock. Horror. John was now a lady named Joan, played by Lucy Liu, who has left her former career as a surgeon behind in the wake of some as-yet unspecified drama. Cue outrage – rabble rabble rabble.

Unsurpisingly, I have a lot of feelings about this. The main one is that I think that the internet is angry for the wrong reasons. Let me break it down for you: complaints about Elementary seem to fall into two categories. The first is usually articulated thus – “Ahhhh! Why are they making another modern Sherlock Holmes so close to BBC’s Sherlock!? Does America have no original ideas!? You guys are shit! Wahhh!” The second usually runs something along the lines of “Joan Watson!? What the actual fuck!? Since when is Watson a lady!? Watson can’t be a lady! I will have none of this! Ahhh!” And to be honest, those two complaints are usually less grammatically correct and feature more exclamation marks. Now, I love (LOVE) the BBC Sherlock. I’m even willing to overlook some of the vaguely more problematic elements of the story-telling in order to continue to bask in the glory of Benedict Cumberbatch’s cheekbones, Martin Freeman’s cuddliness and the unadulterated joy that is a Moffat/Gatiss collaboration. So, I can’t say I’m completely for Elementary, but I do think both these arguments are stupid.

The first argument is pretty easy to dismiss. Like I said before, there have been literally hundreds of adaptations of Arthur Conan Doyle’s orginal stories. Some are more successful than others. Some draw more obviously from the source text than others. Some are English, some are American. Some of them keep to the Victorian era, some of them take place in modern settings. Some of them might have slipped completely under your radar – you can’t tell me I’m the only person who took forever to work out that House was an interpretation of Holmes and that the name was totally a play on words (or maybe I’m an idiot, I don’t know). For those of you complaining about the proximity in releases I will just take a second to point out that the BBC’s release of both seasons of Sherlock coincided with the respective releases of Warner Bros’ Guy Ritchie-led franchise pieces. You may remember them. The giant blockbuster holiday films, Sherlock Holmes and Sherlock Holmes: Game of Shadows? Anyone? Robert Downey Jr? Jude Law? Alrighty. Point made (I hope).

The second argument is also pretty easy to dismiss, but seems to garner a lot more venom from people. I’m not sure exactly what it is about Watson as a woman that seems to annoy people, but I’m going to spell it out for you in plain English and hope that you understand. To date, Watson has been almost everything. There have been adaptations in which he is a robot, a cartoon mouse, a dog and even a goddamn tomato (seriously… Veggie Tales did it… Holmes is a cucumber). Why on earth are any of those things more acceptable than Watson being a woman? It reflects poorly on a fanbase (and on humanity, really) when we can be perfectly fine with an anthropomorphised tomato, but not a woman. If you’re one of the people who are having serious issues with a female Watson, you should consider the following: what has it been about your integration into popular culture that makes you so afraid of having a woman portray traditionally masculine roles? And if you’re female, you get a bonus question: why doesn’t it excite you? Watson is a badass, intelligent and loyal counterpoint to Sherlock Holmes. As if you don’t want a woman with all of those qualities on your screen.

Now that we’ve established what we shouldn’t be talking about, here’s what you should be mulling over. CBS has not only pulled a genderflip on (some of) the cast, but they’ve also put a woman of colour in a front and centre role. That is damned cool. What concerns me though is that they opted to do that for Watson and not Holmes. I’ve already mentioned my thoughts on Watson being a badass. I am not taking them back. However, I do think that there are some serious issues with not gender-swapping Holmes. Traditionally, the divide for the characters has been along the lines of heart vs. head. Holmes is a ridiculously intelligent, vaguely autistic, drug-addicted, damaged soul. He displays little ability to care beyond his friendship with Watson, but even then doesn’t let it get in the way of his relentless pursuit of the truth. In short, he is the head. On the other hand, Watson is a doctor and a husband. He is keeps Holmes in check socially, is loyal beyond a shadow a doubt and cares deeply for his slightly off-the-rails companion. Perhaps most importantly, he is in awe of Holmes’ brilliance. The heart, then. In a homo-social relationship this isn’t so problematic. When we genderflip only Watson, however, we get a woman who fulfils all the roles a woman is expected to in mainstream television – off-sider with a couple of sassy lines who provides all of the emotional insights that pass the brilliant but dysfunctional main (male) character by.

Without wanting to write it off before it’s even on the air, the trailer above does seem to play into this trope. 30 seconds in the only thing that Joan Watson has managed to do is squeak at the sight of a dead body – something she should be beyond anyway, given her history as a surgeon. The other problematic part of this is that they have stripped Joan of all the things that make Watson, Watson. She isn’t actually a doctor, though she is trained. There’s some unspecified nastiness there that I’m sure will develop into a story arc. There isn’t the military service. No one has mentioned whether she is still Joan ‘three-continents (worth of sexual conquests)’ Watson, but I’m not holding out too much hope. With all of that gone, there had better be some hardcore character rebuilding going on or things could go horribly, horribly wrong. In short, I’m worried that without genderflipping Sherlock, Elementary will end up with an unintentionally sexist portrayal of a hero-worshipping, emotional (because that’s what women do, don’t you know?) counterpoint to Holmes, who ends up completely detracting from the awesome factor of having Lucy Liu at the head of a cool TV show.

The other thing that’s worth keeping in mind is the fact that there is a lot of potential here for sexual tension, which I think would be completely missing the point of Sherlock Holmes. Yes, yes, I know. Homoerotic subtext, blah blah blah. The point of subtext is that it isn’t actually the text. You could just be reading into it. Unless Arthur Conan Doyle resurrects himself and says “Why yes, in between cases and bouts of intense opiate addiction Sherlock was rogering John on a daily basis. When I said that Watson walked with a limp, I didn’t mean he was war-wounded, I meant that Holmes had been banging him too hard the night before. I am, how do you say it? A Johnlock shipper” then yes, it entirely accurate to read homosexuality into subtle textual nuances. Until that day, it’s all just potential subtext and educated speculation. That’s fine, but the most beautiful bit of Sherlock Holmes (for me) will always be the relationship between to individuals who are very damaged in their own way. That and the kick arse crime-solving…because that’s pretty flipping awesome too. By making the friendship between a man and woman they have dragged up that dreaded potential for an actual sexual liason. If we get a sexy Holmes/Watson relationship rather than a rad criminal-busting, hetero-platonic friendship, I’m out (unless it’s really well done and I’m too emotionally invested). But I’ll be really disappointed if they do down that road, because it’s almost like no one who writes for television has ever managed to maintain a friendship with the opposite sex. All male/female relationships end up laced with potential lustfulness and that is boring.

Anyway, have a watch of the trailer. Are you dismissing Elementary? Are you excited? Are you a Sherlock fan? Let me know what you think.

Marvel Mayhem: Assembling Some Avengers.

I know I’m not the only person who has a lot of feelings about The Avengers. I know this because after just 19 days in the cinema, the film has raked in just over $1 billion worldwide. 19 days! $1 billion! $103 million of that was just in the U.S for its SECOND weekend! You know what came second? Johnny Depp and Tim Burton’s collaboration Dark Shadows. You know how much it made? $28.8 million! Do you see the difference!? I mostly don’t care about box office numbers, but my point is that a LOT of people have seen this film. It’s not just comic book kids. It’s EVERYBODY. Because this film is not just good – it’s GREAT.

I went and saw The Avengers the week it opened here. I was ridiculously excited. I dragged my (reluctant) flatmate from cinema to cinema until we found one that still had seats left and I sat on the edge of my seat waiting for it to start while he sulked about the fact that you couldn’t take beer into the cinema (long story). Needless to say, I flipping loved it.  But it wasn’t just me. My flatmate went in there with few expectations beyond the usual superhero explosions and with a beer-related tantrum brewing, and came out not just happy but EXCITED, quoting back all the best lines and asking about backstories to characters.

Like I said at the beginning, I have a lot of feelings (seriously…so many) about this film. I’ve compiled a dot point list, to make them more readable. (Otherwise it would just be me incoherently typing in all capitals, punctuated by brief interludes of “JOOOOOSSSS WHEEEDOOOON!!!” and sobbing.) I am trying to avoid spoilers, but this is probably a better list to read after you’ve seen the film.

  • Why do people not let Joss Whedon write and direct huge budget action films more often? The man had a gigantic ensemble cast and a huge chunk of Marvel universe to work through and he managed to do it in true fanboy fashion. Every character gets their moment to shine. The script is funny and memorable. The characters have relationships with each other that are so delicately handled amidst the millions of other things that are going on, it makes my soul hurt. The battle scenes… oh! the battle scenes! In short, I’m not watching the second one unless Joss is on board, because the man should be elevated to some sort of demi-god status immediately so that I can continue my unabashed worship of him without it being weird.
  • They finally got the Hulk right! After a bunch of really, really awful Hulk films they finally wrote a Hulk that encapsulated everything that the Hulk is supposed to be. I went in with zero expectations for Mark Ruffalo. This is possibly because the last thing I can remember seeing him in was Suddenly 30, and while I’m sure I’ve seen him in stuff since then, it wasn’t as memorable as Suddenly 30 and to me, that is sad. Then BAM! Completely unexpectedly, Mark Ruffalo is all up in my shit like, “I’m actually a talented, versatile and nuanced actor. Suck it haters.” He’s nervous without being overly camp, he’s constantly on the brink of bubbling over into unadulterated rage without melodrama and he’s LIKEABLE. He has some funny lines (and possibly the funniest smack-down in the history of superhero smack-downs) and some genuinely tragic ones. He’s not just a brooding hate-machine, he’s a person. It took 3 false starts, but someone finally managed to convey that.
  • Bruce Banner and Tony Stark – SCIENCE BROS! Just bros, doing science together! Casually saving the world. Whatever. High five for that relationship.
  • Agent Phil Coulson is a massive fanboy for Captain America and it brings so much joy to my heart. He has collector cards. They’re vintage. It’s the best.
  • Captain America is wonderful. How can you not love a character whose main powers seem to consist of gymnastics, volleyball and the ability to duck behind a shield? Steve Rogers is the perfect counterpoint to Tony Stark because he is driven by a desire to be good. Not good AT something. Just good as in pure.  Where Ironman is bells and whistles, showmanship and alcoholism, The Cap just gets on with the job. He does it because it’s right. Sometimes that sort of thing can be boring in a character, but on Chris Evans it works.
  • The reason this works on Evans might have something to do with the fact that he LOOKS like everything America is supposed to look like. Seriously. He won the genetic lottery and came out looking like the embodiment of American-ness, even in a slightly sub-par costume.
  • Speaking of looks, Robert Downey Jr should not be allowed to age that well. Unfair.
  • Let’s take a second to acknowledge the women in this film. All of them are fully formed, actual characters. None of them are defined by their relationships with men. All of them kick arse. Black Widow is awesome from the second you meet her. She takes down three dudes whilst tied to a chair, she outsmarts Loki, she beats the crap out of her best friend to give back his free will AND she closes the giant alien portal through space and time. SHE DOES ALL OF THIS BY HERSELF WITHOUT HAVING TO BANG ANYONE OR LOOK TO THE MEN AROUND HER TO DEFINE HER CHARACTER. High five to Scarlett Johansson. Futher fist bumps to Agent Maria Hill, played by Cobie Smulders, for being an impressive badass. Despite not geting as much screen time as other characters she still manages to be amazing and does so again, without needing men to define her character.
  • Special mention also to the equal opportunity hiring at S.H.I.E.L.D. If you look in the background, roughly half the people operating the computers and doing general henchmen legwork are women.
  • Samuel L. Jackson. That is all.
  • Hawkeye and Black Widow – SPY BROS! Just spying and saving the world and stuff. This could have so easily gone the way of romance. Not that there would have been anything wrong with that, but it was nice to have a movie where the guy and the girl are friends who care about each other without the pressure of sex. I like them better as spy bros.
  • Chris Hemsworth has come a long way since Home and Away. He is also some kind of man-mountain. Seriously. He’s huge.
  • The Thor and Loki relationship is gut-wrenching. I can’t even articulate thoughts on the matter. It’s just too much. All the awards for Joss Whedon and his ability to write things that destroy my capacity to function as an adult.
  • Tom Hiddleston as Loki is pretty much the most wondeful thing that’s ever happened. His ability to be a maniacal dictator and a sympathetic lost soul all at once is just superb.
  • I will never be able to thank this movie enough for letting Tom Hiddleston near throngs of waiting press. Just go watch some interviews and then tell me you’re not totally in love with the man.
  •  My only complaint would be that the villains in this film are a little under-developed. Scary alien-robot hybrid things that appear through a wormhole in space are fine. The fact that they want the Tesseract is also fine. But they don’t really have a motivation other than the fact that they’re evil and they want the cube of shiny energy that everyone else wants. That sucks a bit, but in a film this big with this much of a cast who all need to have air-time it’s hardly a huge fault. By the time the end comes you’re too caught up in all the other rad stuff that’s happening to really care what the bad guy’s motivation is.
  • Plus the fact that it’s part of the GIGANTIC Marvel universe means that there’s probably going to be about a billion other films to follow up with the villainy later on.

I have a lot of other feelings, but this is really getting out of hand. Just go watch the film if you haven’t already done so! You’re letting the team down! Go!Go!Go!

Kocks in Kardashians

So over at IMDB today someone helpfully edited up Kim Kardashian’s bio to include some more… realistic (?) insights into the starlet’s life. Assuming it would be taken down almost immediately, I helpfully took a screenshot.

It kind of loses track of itself towards the end, but it’s a pretty amazing rant and one which I kind of find myself in two minds about.

On the one hand, the idea the Kim Kardashian and co are “emblematic of the shallowness of American culture” is something that I agree with. I don’t think you can really argue when its pointed out that she is simply “famous for being famous.” She doesn’t have any discernable talents. (I haven’t seen the sex tape but I’ve heard that’s pretty average as well.) She is well groomed and very good at making slick public appearances. Does that count as a skill? I don’t know. But I would argue that the most interesting person in the whole Kardashian affair is the mother, Kris, who displays an uncanny ability to translate her daughters into dollars without having them turn into some sort of Lindsay Lohan-style train wreck. Not only has Keeping Up with the Kardashians produced a number of spin off shows, but the sisters have fragrances, work out tapes and clothing, jewellery and handbags lines.

This kind of shallow fame makes me sad because it detracts from some excellent plot/performance driven shows that could be happening instead. When a network willingly (enthusiastically) shells out $40 million for four more years of a show that celebrates the rich for their wealth and capitalises on a “ditzy rich girl” image, it knowingly redirects $40 million away from other potentially amazing television. The show airs on E!, which is owned by NBCUniversal – so that’s $40 million that could be doing something really cool on NBC right now.

On the other hand, I feel like there’s a really bizarre dynamic going on in this bio with regards to the treatment of Kim Kardashian’s sexuality. Rather than criticising the network for committing to four more years of a really average show, the author has chosen to turn Kim’s sex tape into a metaphor for the “amoral prostitutes” in Washington. To me, that smacks of slut-shaming… which I have a problem with. Just because a woman (or her mother) chooses to capitalise on the fact that intimate videos of her leaked on the internet, does not make her any less of a person. It’s actually kind of impressive. Making a name for yourself in mainstream media, when the odds are that for the first few years of your career the only people that will recognise you have sizeable internet porn habits, is phenomenal. The fact that you can translate the essentially very boring and unsurprising fact that you have sex into a career and several million dollars is undoubtedly weird… but impressive, nonetheless.

Interestingly, all the criticism quoted in the article comes from working, white, male actors. Not that I’m not a fan of these men (Jon Hamm is a national goddamn treasure) but none of them criticise the broader social/economic mechanisms at play that allow people like Kim Kardashian to become famous. They all criticise her for acting like an “[expletive] idiot” rather than directing that criticism at people who might actually deserve it… like the television networks, who have so little faith in the intelligence of their audiences that they’re willing to cancel shows with a plot arc and replace them with ‘reality’ TV.

In short, I do think that Kim Kardashian is emblematic of things that are wrong with American television. This is not because she fits as broad social metaphor for amoral politicians, or because she made a sex tape that launched her career. It’s because  shows like Keeping Up With the Kardashians require are so mindless – they reflect the complete lack of faith network television bosses have in the intelligence of the population at large. They won’t take risks with shows that might be a little kooky or interesting. Hell, they won’t even play shows that are just well-written. They are going to keep rehashing the same ‘reality’ crap over and over again because it’s a formula that works for them. To me, Kim Kardashian symbolises a generation of T.V-makers who have no interest or belief in their audience. That is what upsets me most.

Ahoy!

My name is Alex. I have a lot of pop culture feelings. So many, in fact, that they were starting to garner complaints from people who
actually know me. So, in an attempt to maintain actual relationships with real people who exist, I created a blog to dump all my feelings about fictional charcaters (and some “non-fictional” celebrity characters). Sadly, it will probably be updated more regularly than anything else I do, because I’m just that kind of girl.

Either way, before we get started I figured I’d introduce myself. I’m going to endeavour to do so in the least pretentious way possible, but lists of things like this inevitably make you sound like a hipster dick (“I like tea, polaroids, oversized knitted jumpers, skinny jeans and underground dancehall music produced by Japanese girls who play the oboe.” This is an example of a thing that I am trying not to do.) Here goes:

  • I am 22. I live in Sydney. I have two housemates. They are nice, but they don’t really get the whole pop culture-junky thing. One of them recently started watching Game of Thrones though. I consider this a minor victory for myself.
  • I study journalism. I don’t think I’m very good at it, but I try and people always told me that was half the battle.
  • I work. I am not going to tell you what I do because I do a job that makes most people want to throttle me as soon as they meet me. So let’s just say it pays the rent.
  • I become excessively emotionally involved in the novels I’m reading and the films I’m watching. This leaves me with a kind of book/film/television hangover a lot of the time, which means that as soon as someone asks me “how was it?” I immediately vomit emotion onto them in an Excorist-style fit of head-spinning and shouting, until they regret ever asking.
  • I tweet. A lot. More when I’m  on public transport. I think I’m hilarious, but most people would probably categorise me as mean.

So that’s me, in a very snug little nutshell. I should probably give you a list of things that I am currently reading and watching and whatnot as well, just to give you an idea of what you’re in for.

Reading: 1Q84 by Haruki Murakami, although I’m a bit sidetracked at the moment so what I am reading is actually more like academic essays for university papers.

Watching: I have seen The Avengers twice in the last week. I love it. I will probably post about it later because, by God, do I have thoughts. I am watching the second season of Game of Thrones, but I’m not entirely caught up yet and I was too exhausted to do so this morning. The BBC Sherlock has briefly taken over my life and will continue to do so until they make a new season in 2013. There are a lot of things that could go here. The list is way too long.

Listening: I’m actually terrible at keeping up with new music, but my flatmate isn’t so I usually bludge things off him. I’m also vaguely obsessive (I don’t know if you can tell, ha!) so I often listen to the same thing over and over again until I can’t stand it any more and then I move on. So my feelings on bands are often either on the scary side of groupie or right down the other end of the spectrum at ‘completely devoid of emotion.’  I am quite proud of myself though, because this week I found a beatboxer on Youtube called The Petebox who I really enjoy. You should look him up.

Anyway. Those are a few things about me. When I get home from uni I’ll probably get into the meaty stuff that I want to think about. (There’s a couple of things that have happened today that warrant discussion.)

See you in a few hours.

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