But It’s Not My Birthday?

So this was supposed to go up yesterday, but guess who forgot that they were rostered on to work? That would be me. I am an idiot. And then I went to the pub after work. Anyway, not the point. Point is: I. Am. So. Excited. It’s a glorious day. Why? Because the universe has given me a chance to relive the good parts of being a tweenie/teen without the bad hair, acne and hormones.  Justin Timberlake AND Destiny’s Child have both released new songs in the last week and I couldn’t be happier. I know most folks are losing their minds over the JT one, so let’s look at that one first and we can get on to dealing with my real excitement: Independent Women Part 3: Further Musings On The Fact That I Don’t Need Your Cash To Have a Good Time. (I am an unabashed, overly excitable Destiny’s Child fan. Consider this me warning you in advance.)

It has been seven years since Justin Timberlake released Future Sex/ Love Sounds. Seven! Seems like only yesterday. Anyway, there’s a new one which comes with “an open letter to you (the fans)”:

When I first heard this, I was like “no”. But the second or third listening had me reaching for my suit and tie so I could better fit in with the thematic direction this song has taken. That’s not to say that I don’t find a good portion of the lyrical content totally ridiculous: “Stop and let me get a good look at it, So thick and now I know why they call it a fatty.” Thanks, Justin. You really know how to make a girl feel special. The fact that he spent most of the first verse referring to whichever girl he was with (let’s assume it was Jessica Biel) as “it” really amped up the romance factor as well.

The single was used to promote the relaunch of MySpace this month, which Justin has invested heavily in. Word on the street (the hypothetical, internet-based street) is that despite Justin’s attempts to bring sexy back (yeah, I made that joke… shoot me) to the internet’s first social networking ghost town, MySpace is still shit and people still don’t care.

However, the song has spawned my new favourite hobby, which is muting videos of my favourite male celebrities wearing suits and ties and playing Suit and Tie over the top of it. There’s nothing quite like watching someone in a well-tailored suit wiggling to the phrase “I be on my suit and tie shit” over and over again. In other news, I need a life. Moving on.

Destiny’s Child were most favourite girl group of the late 90s/ early 2000s. I definitely still know all of the words to all of the singles and can and will sing them at moments that I feel are appropriate (usually around 3am, after being fed shots…just FYI). Their last album was kind of disappointing because it lacked all of the awesome girl-powery pizazz that songs like Survivor, Independent Women and even Bootylicious had. So it was with great trepidation that I listened to Nuclear, which is their first single in 9 years. Check it out.

I kind of love it. I’m not so down with the lyrics. The phrase “when two become one, on a quantum level” is actually so cringworthy I curled up into myself and made a gagging noise. But I can’t help myself. I just flipping love the sound of it. Unlike JT’s offering, I loved it immediately and have played it several times since first hearing it. It’s like that nice late 90s, ecstasy-induced, lounge-y house music that I used to really like when I was younger. (“Late 90s, ecstasy-induced, lounge-y house music” is the technical term, obviously. I should really write for a music publication. Any takers?) Anyway, they all sound on-point. I think it’s awesome. I’m well into it.

Having said that, the image that’s playing behind that video is from the official shoot for the album. Beyonce released it on her page, along with the song, the other day. I have questions. If we have a group of fine, fabulous and talented ladies releasing their first fine and fabulous album in 9 years, why have we dressed them in the kind of terrible hats that belong in an episode of Dynasty or The Bold and the Beautiful? They look like they’re heading for for a day at the races… if that day at the races was sometime in the mid-80s. I understand that they’re all older and wiser now. They don’t all need to be in co-ordinated spandex midriff tops (although if someone could bring back those days, I’d really appreciate it). But the way to prove that your older and wiser is probably just to have better taste in hats and maybe wear a nice frock or something.

Anyway… I kind of love everything at the moment. My childhood is coming back with a vengence and it’s a bit wonderful.


2 thoughts on “But It’s Not My Birthday?

  1. having no personal experience of this song, I read “Stop and let me get a good look at it, So thick and now I know why they call it a fatty.” as referring to erections :3

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