Have you ever met a vegan? If you answered “I don’t know” then chances are you haven’t, because the wonderful thing about vegans is that, regardless of whether or not you’re consuming food with them, they will let you know about their veganism and the ways that it has changed their life and could probably change yours if only you’d give up your meat-guzzling ways and just listen, man! Now, I’m very much into a live and let live scenario here: I don’t really mind if you don’t eat or use animal products because I understand where you’re coming from when you say you can’t live with animal cruelty. But I’m gonna take my cheese and bacon sandwich over to my corner and get on with my day. It doesn’t make me better or worse than you… unless the omnipotent judge of right and wrong is some sort of dairy cow/ pig hybrid who created its earthly form as delicious meat and dairy products to test our faith. In which case, sorry. I have failed.
Sometimes, however, a line is crossed into such overwhelming stupidity that I feel I need to address the situation. This is one of those times. You may be aware that Natalie Portman is a vegan. You may also be aware that she is the face of Christian Dior’s fragrances.
Unfortunately, poor Natalie had a hard time reconciling the fact that she was being paid millions to lounge around half naked and spray perfume on herself with the fact that she might have to wear Christian Dior’s expensive leather shoes. Thankfully for all of us, the company had a solution.
“One of the things that’s been so nice is that Dior made all of the shoes for me with no animals and no leather or anything, because I don’t wear any leather. They remade all my shoes so I can wear Dior shoes without taking lives.”
Well thank goodness for that. We wouldn’t want a simple thing like your much-preached-about morals to get in the way of making a bunch of money.
Putting aside the fact that the money spent remaking Portman’s shoes could have been better spent on say, a cause that actually has an impact on animal rights, Uncaged has Christian Dior on its naughty list when it comes to animal testing, meaning that the perfume that Saint Natalie is being paid to hawk in her new vegan-friendly Dior shoes is actually responsible for burning the eyes of bunnies. Which means that while Natalie Portman may not be comfortable taking the lives of animals, she is OK with torturing them with chemicals. It’s kind of like saying to the US Government, “Don’t you dare kill those prisoners, but I’m alright with the water-boarding.”
I’m the first to admit that I’m far from perfect on this front – I have the kind of skewed morals that mean I don’t wear fur but own 6 pairs of leather boots, will buy cruelty-free shampoo and conditioner and then forget to do so with every other aspect of my beauty regime. The first paragraph in this blog was essentially an ode to how much I like cheese and bacon sandwiches. I’m an idiot, OK? But at least I’m up front about it. If you’re going to demand that a brand entirely remake its range to fit in with your veganism, at least make sure that the product you’re endorsing is comaptible with that ideology. Natalie Portman, sort your shit out.
Special thanks to Miss Mazy for curing the writer’s block by pointing out the inadequacies of Natalie Portman.