No One Hates Twilight More Than Robert Pattinson

Today, I would like to give thanks to Tumblr for pointing out to me that Robert Pattinson is a funny, funny man who is just as skeptical about this whole Twilight shebang as the rest of us. Like many of you, I saw the first movie and went “Why is Cedric Diggory playing an angsty ball of glitter?” and then spent the next 4 years trying desperately trying to ignore the fact that Twilight existed (no mean feat when  you have access to the internet). But because of that I’ve missed the fact that Robert Pattinson is actually hilarious. Because the final installment in the saga is due out this month, this post rounded up some of the best of Pattinson from all the press he’s had to do over the years.

Interviewer: What do you think of ‘R-Pattz’, actually?

Pattinson: I want to break the hands and mouth of the person who came up with it.

Interviewer: What do you want your fans to know about your personal life?

Pattinson: I want them to know that….cinnamon toast crunch has only 30 calories in a bowl. (Note: Robert Pattinson is a dirty liar.)

Bless your weird little soul. That’s just the press junket though. At one point, someone thought it would be a good idea to get him to do the DVD commentary of the first Twilight movie. Results were… probably not what the studio was looking for?

The man has a point. Have a look at some of the other gems he manages to come up with.

On the kissing scene:

“This is quite difficult ’cause I have a really flat head, and so it’s quite difficult to get a correct angle. And you can’t go up from down below as well, ’cause I’ve got, like, rock solid gelled hair. And so, like, it was odd. I don’t know, sometimes I feel like my head is being, like, turned inside out. Like that episode of Ren & Stimpy when he’s inside his own belly button.  I don’t know.”

I am so very pleased that I am not the only one who thinks that his head is ridiculously flat. He looks like he’s run into a wall… or, in his own words, “my whole head is like I’ve had a face lift.”

On being a scary vampire:

“So he wears lipstick, has a little bouffant and does little circus acts as well. Oh he’s so sexy.”

“Looking scary with a baseball outfit on and a little bouffant, you know, it just does not work. Especially when you’ve got sculpted eyebrows.”

“I wonder if a vampire’s eyebrows can grow back?”

“Never trust a man with sculpted eyebrows.”

“I thought I was supposed to have a fake six-pack for this scene.”

I mean… that shit is almost enough to make me watch the film for the commentary. But then I remember I’d have to deal with the movie AND every other person involved in the production just taking themselves way too seriously and I think “naaah”.

Anyway, thank you to Robert Pattinson for being snarky about Twilight, because it’s really nice to hear someone involved with it point out that the relationship between Edward and Bella is bordering on creepy. And thank you to Tumblr, for obsessively finding moments where he is funny to make it seem like maybe I should give Twilight a second chance, even though we all know that it’s a terrible idea and I’d just end up regretting it.

On a side note, this has been some supremely lazy blogging because I’ve been ridiculously busy. It’ll be back on track at some point. Promise. Also, the blog seems to have a problem with me making the first two pictures any bigger than they are. My humble apologies. Stupid. Bah!

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3 thoughts on “No One Hates Twilight More Than Robert Pattinson

  1. This was great. I have daughters who love everything Twilight but they do not re-read the books. One clearly states that the Harry Potter series is better written. I remember remarking “Cedric Diggory is cute” when he first appeared on screen. He’ll always be Cedric Diggory to me. My girls tire of my running monologue about Twilight, since I tell them that Bella never had a chance to find herself, be safe, have fun. She changed for him forever, in high school. Married and pregnant thereafter. And he’d lived for 108 years first? So not fair. I admit, I have baggage, “My High School Self, My Vampire Boyfriend” http://wp.me/p1sXPw-aC but still . . . I’m glad Pattinson sees the creepy factor.

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