Reading Porn on Buses

So, the other day E.L James’ inexplicably popular erotic novel, 50 Shades of Grey, became Britain’s highest selling book ever, clocking 5.4 million copies. It reached that number in 4 months. To give a little perspective, the previous best-seller was Dan’s Brown’s similarly shite, but much less erotic, The Da Vinci Code. All told, it sold 5.2 million copies over 50 weeks. Essentially, 50 Shades of Grey has obliterated the competition.

50 Shades of Socially Acceptable Porn for 40yr Old Housewives – has a certain ring to it?

There’s a lot of things that are interesting about the 50 Shades phenomenon, not least of which is the fact that for some reason it’s now socially acceptable for people to read porn on buses. I kid you not, at least 3 people in the office are reading it at work. We all know what it’s about, so since when is it OK for you to publicly read something I know you’re going to go home and double-click your mouse to later? Stay in, buy some batteries and go for it… I just don’t want to know.

But weird as that is, it’s not why I wanted to write about it now. For some reason, Bret Easton Ellis (author of several very good books including American Psycho, Rules of Attraction and Less Than Zero) became obsessed with 50 Shades of Grey very early on and was incredibly vocal about wanting to adapt it into a screenplay. He’s been frantically tweeting since the book came out.

Way too excited about 50 Shades.

For ages he was in talks to write the screen play for the cinematic adaptation. How on earth they’re going to make a mainstream cinematic adaptation of a book that basically asks the question “How many different ways can we have sex?” I don’t know. Not the point. Moving on. Talks have since fallen through and Ellis is no longer attached to the project. However, he does still have a lot of opinions about the whole affair. Namely, on who should play the protagonist Christian Grey. He was a strong adovcate for the incomparably beautiful Ian Somerhalder, who has starred in the adaptation of one of Ellis’ own books (namely, Rules of Attraction).

“Oh nothing, babe. Just quietly brooding.”

Since Ellis has been dropped from the project, a number of other names that have popped up in the discussion of who should play Grey – a character who is supposed to be so hot that we all drop panties at the mere sight of him. The one that has Ellis in a bit of hot water right now is White Collar star, Matt Bomer. You may or may not know who Matt Bomer is, but what’s important here is the fact that he is a married homosexual man with three adopted children.

\ To quote Robbie Williams, “all the best women are married, all the handsome men are gay. Feel deprived. You are deprived.”

Apparently, Ellis doesn’t feel that Bomer is capable of playing it straight enough to be Grey. Which seems like a rough call really since the whole point of that acting gambit that these guys do in order to make their money is… the acting? Bomer plays heterosexual characters in pretty much everything else he does and on top of that, swans around looking hot. Do you really need many more qualifications? Here’s what Ellis had to say on the affair:

If you’re wondering where that sudden outburst came from, consider that the day before, Ellis was dropped from the list of potential screen writers and was very openly disappointed about it on Twitter. Then consider that his response to the internet exploding and calling him a homophobe was to tweet, “What’s worse? My ugly mug next to Matt Bomers in 300 articles or that the dude who wrote Cars 2 is on the Fifty Shades of Grey writing list?” Do I sense a little bitterness here, Mr Ellis? I think the answer to that question, is yes. Yes, I do.

Honestly, my opinion on the whole thing is that Bret Easton Ellis has successfully managed to make himself look like an asshole on Twitter. Which is a shame. Because I quite like his novels. I wouldn’t be surprised if whoever ends up making the 50 Shades of Grey cinematic adaptation/ trash doesn’t hire Bomer and I wouldn’t be surprised if it was because of his sexual orientation. I don’t think that’s right or a valid argument for anything involving ACTING (am I the only person who fully grasps the meaning of that word?) But unfortunately that’s how it works sometimes. Either way, I’m probably not going to go see the film. If I want to watch porn I damned well don’t want to go and see it in a cinema.

You can follow the trainwreck that is Bret Easton Ellis’ Twitter account here.

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “Reading Porn on Buses

  1. Lol poor Bret and his poor choice of words.
    I think that having Matt Bomer playing this Christian Gray character wouldn’t work either, not because he is gay but because we as the audience would have a hard time looking beyond it. But then again, Heath Ledger was initially scorned as the Joker and I watch that movie and only see the Joker.

    • I don’t think so. He’s pretty “low-key gay” for want of a better phrase, and he plays straight in pretty much everything he does and does a pretty good job of it. People aren’t going to be watching the movie for its fine acting. I’m pretty sure they just want someone hot they wanna bang. And he fits that description regardless of his own sexuality.
      But basically I just think that this was Bret throwing a tiny temper tanty because someone else will be writing it now and he pretty much hasn’t spoken about anything else since the book came out. And he’s managed to cause a shitstorm in the process, so kudos to him haha.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Create a free website or blog at WordPress.com.

%d bloggers like this: